More Newborn Sleep Help: The Sleep Window and Rituals

The Baby Whisperer outlines several variables on why a baby may not be sleeping "well." One of them is "lack of an inadequate sleep ritual." Some tip-offs may include:

1) Baby doesn't settle down to sleep easily.

2) Baby falls asleep but then is suddenly awake, ten minutes to a half hour later.

In order for baby to have a peaceful sleep you need to help her get there. You do this two ways. First, you need to recognize and figure out your baby's "sleep window." You also have to have a good sleep routine in place.

The Sleep Window
You need to learn when baby is ready to go to sleep. Ask yourself, "Do I know what my baby looks like when she's tired?" If you miss a baby's sleep window, it's MUCH harder to get them to sleep. When Will was under 5 months he had a VERY delicate sleep window. If I missed it by more than 15 minutes, it was extremely hard to get him settled down for a nap because at this point, he was overtired.

There are a couple of things you can do to figure out what the "window" is. First, look for "sleepy cues." Sleepy cues a young baby can give can be: yawn, fidget, fuss, squeak, turn their head away from you or a toy, burrow his head in your neck when you're carrying him or....nothing at all! Some babies just don't give good sleep cues. Particularly "textbook" or "angel" babies--they just always seem content. So if you have a baby that is not giving you the signs, you are going to have to figure it out on your own. Below I have outlined average, possible "optimal waketimes" for each age range. Note that your child may vary up or down 30 minutes or so. But this will give you a good idea of where you should start:

Optimal Waketimes (note: the time indicated includes a full feeding)

0-4 Weeks: 30-60 minutes

4-6 Weeks: 45-60 minutes

6-8 Weeks: 60 minutes

8-12 Weeks: 60-75 minutes

3-4 Months: 60-90 minutes

4-5 Months: 90-120 minutes

5-6 Months: 120 minutes

6-12 Months: 120-180 minutes

As I mentioned before, these times will vary from baby to baby. Especially as they get older (6+ months). This gives you a good starting point. Remember, when baby is having a hard time going to sleep or staying asleep, first try cutting back their waketime. I used 10-15 minute increments when finding Will's optimal waketime. It does take some trial and error, but it is so worth doing!

So now you know when baby is tired. That is half the battle. But you're not done yet!! Next, you need a solid sleep ritual or routine that you are going to use every time you put baby down for bed or for a nap. I love The Baby Whisperer's 4 S routine. I did this consistently with Will and even my husband says, "that stuff really works!" Here's what you do:

The 4-S Routine

1. Set the Stage: Whether its bedtime or naptime you need to prepare baby for sleep. You simply remove them from any stimulation. Go into their quiet room, draw the curtains, walk around a little. I used to carry Will around in his room for a minute or so and we would say "goodnight" to everything.

2. Swaddling: I can do a whole post of the importance of the swaddle but for now I will just tell you it's necessary. This is another way we help remove stimulation from baby and promote sleep. Don't bother with the Swaddle Me. I found that thing worthless!! You need a good, TIGHT swaddle. I used The Miracle Blanket with Will and it was awesome. It's lightweight and long--it's easy to get a good, tight swaddle. He wasn't able to bust out completely until about 5 months. Swaddling--it's important. Do it every time baby sleeps.

3. Sitting: I love this one!! After baby is swaddled, you sit quietly with him, upright (his face in your shoulder/neck). You don't move. You don't rock or jiggle him. You don't pace around. I know, that is what our instinct tells us--to pace, jiggle and rock! You should have seen my pacing and jiggling with Brooke! I was an expert! All of this stimulates baby--it doesn't calm him down. So just sit still. You do this for about five minutes. I have to say, 5 minutes of just sitting seems like an eternity. Especially if you have another child in the house! But try your best. I learned to love this sit time because it gave me a break! It's so awesome--after a few minutes, you can actually feel their little bodies relax. The Baby Whisperer book said that would happen, but I didn't believe it! But yep, almost every time, I could feel Will's body relax. As soon as I felt that, I knew it was time to put him down in his crib. He was still awake, but headed towards sleep.

After this, put him down (awake) in his crib. Tell him "night-night" and leave the room. Allow him to settle himself to sleep.

4. Shhh-Pat: So he's not asleep yet, huh? He screamed his head off when you put him down? Time to move on to the 4th S--Shh-Pat. Note--once your baby is accustomed to this sleep routine (it does take some time)--you won't have to do the 4th S very often! This step is critical if your baby is not going to sleep. It is a sleep training tool to use so you don't get into Accidental Parenting. It's also kinder and gentler than the Cry It Out (CIO) version of sleep training, for those people who don't believe it CIO. Shh-Pat should be used on babies up to 4 months. After 4 months, I personally recommend incremental CIO.

Here's how shh-pat works. You don't pick up your baby. You simply whisper "shh, shh, shh" into their ear while at the same time, patting their back. Did you know that babies under 3-4 months cannot hold more than 2 "thoughts" in their mind at once? This technique works because they are concentrating on the shh and the patting, so they can can't continue to cry. Eventually, baby will stop crying and concentrate on the shh'ing and the patting. Sometimes this happens right away, sometimes it takes 20+ minutes. If it doesn't work after 10 minutes or so, you can also pick baby up and do the same thing holding her. When you feel her relax, put her down.

I will tell you that 20 minutes of shh-patting, hunched over a crib feels like 20 hours. No joke. But believe me when I tell you: It works and it's worth it. Teaching your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep is one of the single most important things you can teach them at this age.

Raising a Happy Child

If someone asked you "What do you want for your child" and you only had one second to answer, what would you say? More than likely the first word that would come to your mind would not be rich, sexy or famous--it would probably be "happy." Nothing makes our hearts swell more than to hear those little infant giggles or to watch our toddlers chase bubbles like it was the most fascinating, joyful activity in the world--sheer happiness in our children in a joy to experience.

But how can we be sure we raising happy children? We can't be sure. Environmental and genetic factors definitely come into play in determining whether our little cherubs will end up "happy." However, there are things we can do to help them along.

Edward Hallowell, author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness outlines several things we can do to help raise happy children who remain happy adults.

His research shows that "over indulged" children who are showered with toys and who are constantly kept out of harms way emotionally (think back to "Everyone Gets a Trophy") may end up cynical and joyless teenagers. He says the best predictors of happiness are internal, not external. In other words, help your kids develop self-coping skills. Let them make mistakes and learn from them. Skills like patience and flexibility can give children the inner strength to get through life's ups and downs.

Here are a few things Hallowell recommends along with my own two cents. Note that these relate to little kids--toddler to preschooler--but can be applied to older kids as well:

1) Good sleep and healthy habits: You've read enough of my posts to know how I feel about sleep. It could be the #1 predictor to how happy your child is day-to-day. Teaching your child good eating and exercise habits is also important. No, they may not always eat the spinach or brussel sprouts you put in front of them, but by making them "try" or "take two bites" you are teaching them that eating healthy food is important to you--and it should be important to them as well.

2) Help them develop their interests and talents...without pushing too hard. Sure, we all want our kid to be the next Tiger Woods. Oh, wait...did I just say that? Let's see...Yo-Yo Ma? Michael Jordan? At any rate, we would LOVE for them to be a superstar! However, as we are very aware, we don't all have the God-given talent to be a famous sports star or concert pianist. Some of us have other much more boring "talents" such as being super organized or being able to make fancy Excel tables with their eyes closed. Help your child develop their "talents" however small or boring the might seem to you. For instance, Brookey seems to have an amazing talent for remembering things--words, pictures, events. So I decided to teach her a few Kindergarten sight words. Low and behold, it didn't take her any time at all to start memorizing these words. No, it might not get her a Division I scholarship, but she might do OK in Kindergarten. Likewise, don't PUSH you child tooooo hard to, for instance, learn to read. Brookey is INTERESTED in doing Hooked on Phonics and learning to read. Not all 4 year olds are. That is completely OK. Believe me, your kids will turn out fine! I really wanted Brooke to love gymnastics, but one day she decided she was "done." I went with it, even though it made me pretty mad. I figure at some point we can try it again, but right now I'm going to let her develop her own interests.

3) Let them struggle a bit: No, your job as a parent is not to make sure your child is happy...every single second of the day. They shed a tear, you don't automatically need to scoop them up and "save" them. They're struggling to cut a piece of paper? You don't have to take the paper and scissors and cut it for them. This is NOT how you raise a happy child. This is how you raise an interdependent, helpless child!! Let them make some mistakes. That's how we all learn. And even more important, teach them COPING skills. They're frustrated because they can't cut the paper on a straight line? Teach them what they could do, which might include calmly asking for help. By letting kids learn on their own we create a sense of independence and confidence...which leads to greater self-esteem and happiness. And the best thing--we didn't even have to give them a trophy!

4) Be a good role model: As your kids get older, it becomes very apparent how much of a role model you are to them. You'll find them repeating things you say or taking on your preferences and mannerisms. Scary, but it can be helpful if you play your cards right. Happy parents usually equal a happy child. Stressed parents often exude this stress onto their kids directly and indirectly. Not to say there can be no stress in your lives. Obviously, there is! But be very aware of how you might transfer YOUR OWN day's stress onto your kids. Deal with that privately or with your spouse. Don't take it out on your kids.

5) Have FUN. The daily grind for me is wake up, get the kids dressed, quick breakfast and off to school...then come home, cook/eat dinner, baths, bed. Some days it seems like just that--a GRIND. Many days it seems like I am rushing, rushing, rushing. Where is the fun in that? Not all days are fun, but try to make it a point that every weekend is family time. When I feel like the day or the week has been too crazy and I am always rushing my kids someplace, I'll do something "fun" out of the blue like pick Brookey up early and go to ice-cream or to the library. No matter how busy I am, I always try to somehow, fit FUN into the day's equation....even if it means Brookey staying up 30 minutes later so we can cuddle and watch and movie together or bake cookies.

Here's to happy kids!!

The Developmental Olympics

At the beginning of Tracy's Hogg's (AKA: The Baby Whisperer) book, The Baby Whisperer Solves All of Your Problems she discusses what she calls The Developmental Olympics. The Developmental Olympics is exactly what it sounds like--this intense pressure and "training" we submit our kids to in the area of development. Don't lie...you've done it. You're at play group and you notice Sally Jane, who is two weeks younger than your little one is saying "Da, da" and "Ma, Ma" all throughout the play group. "Why isn't my little Susie saying ma, ma yet??," you wonder. A wave of jealously, mixed with slight feelings of inadequacy slowly comes across you. You leave the play group and spend the rest of the afternoon in your daughter's face saying, "Ma, ma, da, da! Can you say ma, ma? Can you say da, da?" until she swats you with her sippy cup.

Why do we do this? Haven't we heard a zillion times that "Children develop at different rates?" Sure we have. And we believe it, too.... just so long as our kids are the one developing the fastest! I think much of this is brought on by all of those lovely BOOKS on development. You know which ones I am talking about, What to Expect The First Year, What to Expect The Toddler Years, Your Baby's First Year Week by Week....that last book to me is the kicker. Has anyone read this book?? It tells you, week-by-week what your baby "should" be doing. For instance, "Week 4--your baby is smiling this week!" Um, not she's not! Should I be rushing her to the emergency room???

Books aside, I also think there is something innate with our generation (Gen X & Y) that somehow makes us think that if our kids aren't the BEST at something, then they're not good enough. As a special education teacher, I have had parents come to me saying they thought their child had a learning disability because they were reading at the 50th percentile. 50th percentile, my friends is called AVERAGE. A learning disability occurs when students are significantly below average--think FIFTH percentile, not fiftieth!

I am not saying we should just accept "average" from our kids. Sure, we need to push them so they can become the best that they can be--within reason. It is important to understand what you can control and what you cannot. Maybe your child says her first word 2 months after your friend's child. SO WHAT. It does not mean your friend's child is verbally gifted or destined for some kind of greatness. It also doesn't mean your kid is slow or has weak verbal ability. She just took her a little longer to speak up. That's it. If there was really a problem with some "milestone," your doctor would speak with you about it. And if she's reading at the 50th percentile and not the 95th, maybe you can spend some extra time reading with her. Talk to her teacher. See if there are things you can do to help her along. But for heaven sake, don't put this intense pressure on your child to make them a 95th percentile kid-- it's just not worth it.

I have learned with Brookey that there is a fine line between "firm encouragement" and pushing her over the edge. For example, I firmly encourage her to always try new things and not shy away from unfamiliar situations--because it seems to be in her nature to do so. On the other hand, if I push her too hard, she'll become frustrated and completely shut down. You have to determine the correct balance between encouraging and just letting them proceed at their own pace...and every child has a different balance that works for them.

When you put things into perspective, in the long run, no one really gives a damn when your precious Sally Jane sat up, said her first word or rolled over. So long as it's within NORMAL limits (and I am telling you--"normal limits" encompass a HUGE range!), we all have nothing to worry about. I have to admit, however that it is so much fun to get excited about our kid's many milestones, especially during the infant stage when it seems like everyday is a new milestone...just so long as we don't take it too seriously.

I know, I know, I can say it until I am blue in the face: "Children develop at different rates." I know you--you will still compare. It's okay, I forgive you...because I will, too. Maybe it's just a motherly instinct that we want our kids to be successful. Maybe you are just trying to get a gauge on where your child is compared to others. That's fair. Just make sure as you are comparing, that you are being fair to the child in front of you. Don't force her into the Olympics when she is still struggling at the Regionals.

Being a P.C. Parent

It's not what you think. I don't care whether you're Politically Correct or not. I highly doubt that type of "PC" has any affect on your parenting abilities. The "PC" I am referring to is a reference in The Baby Whisperer series that stands for Patience and Consciousness--two skills that are absolutely essential to good parenting.

Patience: If you're a mom of a child of ANY age--from 4 weeks to 4,000 weeks, you understand that parenting demands patience. Some people, Pre-School and Kindergarten teachers in particular, are born with patience. They could have a classroom full of kids--some kids have decided it would be fun to paint each other green over at the art station, in the class library area two kids are screaming over a book, another kid just spilled an 1,000 piece puzzle, Susie is whining she has to go to the bathroom--and still this teacher is smiling and calmly speaking with a parent telling her that yes, Johnny is doing just GREAT in her class. Nothing ruffles her feathers. For the other 99% of us--patience is a learned skill.

I recently heard the quote, "With kids, the days are long but the years are short." If you take a step back from the daily hustle and bustle of parenting, it seems like days are weeks and weeks are years. I remember when I was in the midst of potty training Brooke. I was hunched over her potty chair begging her to poop and she simply refused. I remember being in TEARS thinking my kid is NEVER, EVER going to poop in the potty, convinced she'd be going to go to middle school with Pull Ups. Then a few days later, she pooped and I realized I had technically only been trying to potty train her for a little over a WEEK!! Why did it seem like 5 years??! And when you're in the heat of taking care of a newborn, why does it seem like it's taking a YEAR for them to sleep through the night when really, it's a few months or less??? Patience, my friend. This too shall pass.

When your kids get a little older, patience takes on a whole new meaning. Ever tried to leave the house with a 3 year old? Putting on shoes "by herself"=3 minutes. Going pee "by herself"=3 minutes. Get a drink or snack "by herself"=4 minutes. 10 minutes later you can FINALLY leave but then you realize that YOU have to pee and get a snack! Of course, you could do all of this for her-put on her shoes, take her to the potty and grab a snack in under a minute--and sometimes that is what you HAVE to do. But the majority of the time, kids should learn to do things for themselves. That's how they learn. They'll never learn to put their shoes on the right feet if you are constantly doing it for them. It's important for us to take a step back and not be in such a rush to rescue our kids at every moment. Our job as parents is to effectively guide our children, not to specifically show them the way every single time. Our lack of patience often gets in the way of everyday learning opportunities for our kids.

Consciousness: The word conscious is defined as "being aware of one's existence, thoughts and surroundings." As parents, we need to become extremely conscious of our little one's existence, thoughts and surroundings. That may seem like a no-brainer, but is it?

How well do you tune into your baby? Have you learned her cries, her quirks, what sets her off? What's her overall style? Content? Grumpy? Easygoing? Feisty? Touchy? Active? It's important to know our kids as who they ARE, not who we want them to be. Learn WHO your child is and appreciate, accept and nurture it. Learning this takes time and a heightened sense of awareness--something that cannot be accomplished if you're just going through the motions everyday. Slow down. OBSERVE. LISTEN to your kids. From the moment they come into the world, if you pay close attention they will tell you something about their personality every single day.

Being a conscious parent also means being aware of what you say and do with your child. How do you speak to your child? Is your tone generally that of respect? Or are you constantly trying to fix, criticize or correct your child? Do you take time to actually sit and talk with your child or are most of your days so busy you only have time "go through the motions" of school, soccer, dinner, homework, bath and bed? How much do you talk to your child? How much do you listen? How consistent are you with your child? Is his bedtime 7pm one day and 10pm the next? Do you give into his whining one day but not the other? Do you put him in timeout for talking back to you one day but let it slide the next?

The more you are aware of what you do as a parent, the better you will be able to troubleshoot various problems throughout your child's life. A (teeny) tiny part of me wishes I had an invisible camera crew around to record my interactions with my kids. I don't want to end up like the Gosslins, though so I guess I'll pass on the camera crew. I do however, try to reflect on my parenting everyday. I am my biggest critic. That's how we learn and get better at something. After all, none of us were born perfect parents. And none of us were born knowing how to BE a parent.

Our kids need our patience and their need us to be tuned into them (conscious). Both take practice but both can make us happier parents which in turn, make for happier kids.

"Start As You Mean to Go On," Accidental Parenting & The Baby Whisperer

There are a zillion books on parenting out there. Most of these books are targeted to first time, clueless moms who will believe anything they read. Unfortunately, the first "go to" book most moms read after having their baby is What to Expect the First Year. After thoroughly being stressed out by What to Expect When You're Expecting, moms somehow take another blow by using What to Expect the First Year as their mini-Bible for that precious first year.

HOGG-wash, I say! Tracy Hogg, that is. She is dubbed "The Baby Whisperer" and her book, The Baby Whisperer Solves all of Your Problems has been my go-to book for Baby #2. I will present lots of her wisdom in my blogs. For those of you who are not familar with Tracy Hogg, she's a very witty, non-nonsense, yet compassionate Brit who wrote several New York Times best selling Baby Whisperer books before passing away from melanoma in 2004. Hogg advocates putting your baby on a structured, flexible routine from Day 1. Hogg states, "It is not a schedule because you cannot always fit a baby into a clock. A routine gives the day structure and makes family life consistent, which is important because all of us, children and adults, babies and toddlers, thrive on predictability. Everyone benefits." Essentially, Hogg is on the same page as Ezzo's Babywise philosphy however, Hogg presents a kinder, gentler version of Babywise.

The first bit of wisdom Hogg presents is her theory that often parents who are struggling with the three main "parenting problems" (sleeping, eating and behavior) have often fallen into "accidental parenting"--which is simply parents starting bad habits that they later have to break. I don't care what any of the What to Expect books tell you about not being able to "spoil" a baby under three months--it's definitely possible and I am living proof! Brooke came out of the womb feisty--unlike Will, she was not a baby who was born "knowing how to sleep." For three months Scott and I held, rocked and bounced her to sleep for nearly every nap and bedtime. For the first six weeks, I was OK with this. After all, wasn't I supposed to hold and comfort my baby whenever she needed me? Around six weeks I had a nervous breakdown because I was so tired of this "cajoling to sleep" routine and by three months, my back hurt so much from carrying a 98th percentile baby that I could hardly get out of bed. But I guess she wasn't spoiled??? HA!!! Perhaps "spoiled" is not the right word, but she had definitely gotten used to her sleep routine that involved Scott and I aiding her sleep every single time. It wasn't her fault--although our intentions were good, we never taught her to fall asleep on her own.

Hogg uses a great phrase, "Start as you mean to go on." Simply put, don't create bad habits that you will have to break later. Just start with what you want. If you want your child to fall asleep on her own without you holding her, teach her to do this from Day 1 (there are various ways, not just Cry It Out). If you don't want your child to become dependent on a pacifier, don't stick it in her mouth every time she makes a peep. Although many "habits" can be broken much easier at three months than say, nine months, why even START a habit you'll have to fix later? Accidental parenting is the root of many problems parents face. Here are the two main ways well-meaning parents can unknowingly become an accidental parent:

1) Being inconsistent/changing the rules: One day, you allow your child to eat on the couch, the next day you yell at her for spilling her Cheerios all over the furniture and tell her to quit eating on the couch. You're mad, she's confused and frustrated. Or your child intentionally throws food off her highchair and says "uh oh!" You laugh because it it is sooooo cute for a 10 month old!! Believe me, I have numerous videos of me laughing hysterically as Brooke throws green beans, sippy cups and Cheerios off her highchair saying "uh oh!" However, when that same child is 2 years old, it's not so cute...just a lot of cleaning up!! As Hogg says, "Start as you mean to go on." Before you laugh at food flying off the highchair, think 6 months into the future and try to imagine your reaction. If you still think you'll be laughing, then that's fine. If not, set limits now and stick to them (just get a video of the incident so you can laugh later).

2) Keep providing Band-Aids: When parents are faced with a new problem, they often resort to a "quick fix" or Band-Aid solution. Baby is crying hysterically, mom and dad are both exhausted. They feel they can't make her stop crying so mom and dad take baby to bed with them so they can all get some rest. Understandable. However, a month later mom and dad are frantic wondering why baby "hates her crib" or "will never sleep." Sure, in the short run taking your baby to bed and getting her to sleep is FAR easier than researching a sleep method and sticking to it for days, weeks or months. But remember, before providing a Band-Aid, think six months into the future...and make your choice. This definitely applies to older children as well. Think grocery store...kid screaming...mom buys him the candy bar he's screaming for...screaming stops. Six months down the road, the harmless candy bar becomes a toy truck, then a brand new bike..then God knows what. You get my drift. Spoiled brat in the making.

Accidental parenting is something we probably all have done or will do at some point in our parenting lives. Lord knows I have...and there is not doubt in my mind that I will do it again. In order to prevent it, we as parents have to become "PC", according to The Baby Whisperer (it's not what you think!) But more about becoming a "PC parent" in the next blog.

In the meantime, I am going to START the long weekend with a glass of wine...because that's how I mean to GO ON for the next three days! :-) Happy 4th everyone!!!

Plane Travel with Little Ones Part 3: We all need a little Rx

When we hear doctors talk about the main risk factors for heart attacks we always hear about: diet, lack of exercise and genetics.

When traveling with kids, there are three main risk factors for meltdowns: hunger, fatigue and boredom. In my experience, these three predictors are applicable to all age groups (including adults!!!) Here are some of my personal travel tips to beat these three things that I have learned our own plane trips with Brooke and most recently Brooke and Will. I encourage everyone to post their favorite plane travel tips as well. It never hurts to have an arsenal of ideas before heading for the airport.

Hunger

Signs and symptoms of hunger include crying, tantrums and fatigue brought on by low blood sugar. This is the easiest risk factor to remedy. Here are my personal tips, all of which I have learned via trial and error:

- Always ARRIVE at the airport with a well-fed infant or child. Even if it means feeding baby quickly in the car before you enter the airport. It's never fun to hear "I'm huuuungrrrryyy" or deal with a crying, ravenous infant while you're barefoot in the security line.

- Pack food (duh!). For older kids and toddlers, this means preferably, food that is high in protein and low in sugar. And God forbid, no chocolate!! My favorite things to pack are 1) Frozen edamame (keeps everything cold and they thaw out in a couple of hours; packed with protein) 2) Low fat salami and cheese sandwiches on whole wheat rolls--protein!! Of course you could do turkey or ham as well. 3) Low sugar granola or snack bars. Brooke likes Odwalla bars. 4) Celery and peanut butter 5) Trail mix or dried fruit 6) Apple slices coated with lemon 6) Cheese cubes and crackers

- One of the best things we did on our last trip is eat as soon as we got off the plane. If you are flying in or out of an international airport, there are usually some pretty decent places to eat. We got some food and then walked to baggage claim where our luggage was waiting for us, instead of the other way around. The kids had their tummies full and we weren't scrambling to get them fed while battling 350 people at the luggage carousel. Plus, it was just a lot more relaxing to sit and regroup after the flight and Scott and I could eat some "real" food.

Boredom

Signs and symptoms of of boredom include whining, being less obedient than usual, pissing off other people and doing generally annoying things like coloring on the airplane windows.

If you are traveling with little ones in the Red Zone (age 7 months to about 2 1/2), this can be a tough one. Some boredom busters I've discovered are:

1) DVDs: Until about age 2 1/2, you won't get much use out of the DVD themselves but I still brought a portable DVD player and favorite DVDs. It at least bought us 15 minutes or so of "quiet time" when Brooke was under 2. She liked playing with the buttons!

2) Play "I Spy": With kids 2 1/2 and up you can do this anywhere. On the plane, in the car, in the ticket line. Just say I Spy something....red, blue, green etc. and have you child look for it. Then it's their turn to ask the question. You can also do it with any book or even the Sky Mall magazine:" I spy something you can cook with" or " spy something you wear on your head. " This kept Brooke entertained for at least a half an hour on our most recent flight and for a half hour when we were waiting to board.

3) Food: If your child is eating finger foods, bring along his favorite finger foods. Eating is a great way to pass the time! :-)

4 ) See and Say: We all know this toy. I got Brooke one when she was about 8 months and it was a smaller one that wasn't loud enough to annoy anyone sitting around us. It kept her entertained for quite awhile, given she was so young. It's really tough to entertain the 2 and under crowd, but give them some animal sounds and they're usually happy.

5) New toys: Bring along at least 3 new things your child has never seen before. If she's old enough to appreciate it, wrap them up so it's like a mini-Christmas! The Target dollar bin or the local dollar store items have worked well for us.

6) My least favorite-- walking up and down the aisles. But it's important to keep those little ones active! Even going to the nasty bathroom for a diaper change is at least 5-10 minutes of time passed! :-)

Fatigue

Signs and symptoms of fatigue include crying, screaming, yelling, rolling on the floor, whining and just generally being a pain in the ass, giving you the feeling that you may want to shoot yourself. In my opinion, fatigue is the most common reason for airplane meltdowns but it's the hardest to cure. You and I both know how tough it is to sleep on an airplane and your child feels the same way. When your child is overtired and cranky on the airplane, the best thing you can do is try to get them comfy so they can sleep. There are also a few things you can do to try and prevent fatigue:

- The day before you fly, try to make it a very low-key day for your child. Don't drag them all over creation so you can buy last minute travel items. Stay home, make sure they get a good nap in and to bed as early as possible.

- We've traveled at ALL different times of day and I've noticed that around 11am to 12pm seems to be a good flight departure time. You're not getting the kids up at the crack of dawn (unless you live a really long way from the airport) and it's close to an afternoon naptime, so if the stars are aligned, you have a good chance at getting them to take their afternoon nap on the plane. One important thing to note, I have tried many times to try get Brooke to run around the airport or get her up super early in order to tire her out so she'll sleep on the flight. Most every time, those ideas have backfired on me. Getting a kid riled up before the flight will most likely lead to her becoming OVER tired and not being able to sleep. By making things as calm, relaxing and normal as possible, you'll have a better shot at promoting her to take her regular nap.

- If you live more than a hour from the airport and have an early morning flight (9am or before) consider staying at a hotel right by the airport. Yes, it costs money but since when is having kids cheap?! We did this for our 9am flight back for California from Chicago and it worked out wonderfully. I highly recommend the Chicago O'Hare Hilton! A 5 minute stroll and you are in the Terminal! Plus, the kids got to wake up on their own time without me waking them at some God-awful hour.

There are tons more travel tips but these are the ones that have worked for us. Please post all of your best tips, too--I'm always looking for ways to make traveling easier. Especially since I have an up and coming Red-Zoner! :-)

Plane Travel with Little Ones: Part 1

I just returned from our annual trip to the Midwest to visit Scott's family--the first time with two kids in tow! To Scott and I both, it's extremely important for our kids to know their family on both sides. So it wouldn't matter if we had one kid or four, we would always make the effort to make this annual trip.

I will shamelessly admit that I was dreading this trip. I was really excited to see the family, don't get me wrong. BUT....the car seats, the changing diapers on the plane, the blowouts and of course--the God-forsaken security line with all the gel-and-liquid-declaring, shoe-taking off, laptop-taking-out and stroller-folding-up HELL. It's enough to make anyone never want to fly again. Yes my friends, before we left Scott and I dug in our heels, gritted our teeth and decided with a newborn and a (very) active 3 year old, that this was going to be the trip from hell. Not to mention since I have been on maternity leave, I have had both Brooke and Will on a pretty good schedule so of course, that was going to be thrown completely out of whack.

But as with many things in life, good things happen when you least expect them. It was the EASIEST trip I we have taken with kid(s)! In fact, we both wished we would have stayed longer! As I sat on the plane with an occupied 3 year old on one side of me and a sleeping baby on my arms I developed the following observations:

1) If you love to travel, having kids should not stop you. If you do some good planning-ahead, traveling with little ones doesn't always have to be a pain in the butt. My travel tips from this trip will be in the next blog and I hope everyone will share theirs as well!

2) Even if your plane travel with your little ones is a diarrhea, scream-fest, meltdown disaster, just grin and bear it. Look at it this way--more than likely, in 5 hours or less, it will all be over. Plus, it will make for some hilarious stories and blog posts! And you know what--when these little rascals are around 12 or 13, they'll refuse to be seen in public with you much less TRAVEL with you, so just laugh as you're changing the third blowout in 2 hours.

3) A stable, well-planned (ok, scheduled!!) home-life is an absolute Godsend when traveling with kids. More on that in the next post!

4) The more your kids travel, the more both you and your child will get used to the drill. And with each subsequent year your child gets older, the easier it gets: the first time we went to the Midwest with Brooke, she was 7 months and I didn't know what in the heck I was doing--tough. The second time, she was 18 months--tough age, meltdown central. The third time, she was 2 1/2 and it was much easier but not perfect. This time, she's 3 1/2 and although there were many kinks I still need to work out, it was pretty painless. She was taking off her shoes and walking through security like a pro.

5) Age of your kids definitely plays a part in ease of travel (0-6 months and 3-4 years and up seems to me to be the easiest). However unless you want your kids to completely put your travel life on hold, you need to suck it up. I for one, refuse to stay home for 5+ years until both of my kids are at a "sane" traveling age! If you follow "Babywise" philosophy, your children are an amazing ADDITION to your family life--but your life shouldn't completely revolve around them. So even if you think it might be a pain in the butt, give it a try. You could be missing out on a lot of fun! In fact, one of the most fun, relaxing "vacations" I have taken was a trip to Florida to visit Scott's grandparents when Brooke was about 16 months old.

So go for it!!!!

Parents Who Put Their Babies on a Schedule (it's OK, you can come out of the closet!)

When I made the decision to put Will on a schedule/routine/whatever you want to call it, at around 3 weeks I of course read On Becoming Babywise. However, I found there weren't many resources on the internet to support parents who have their babies on a schedule. In fact, I found a lot more Babywise "hate" websites than anything helpful or supportive.

Attachment Parenting is all the rave now, in case you've been under a rock for the past 8 years. Cater to your baby's every need--feed them on demand, rock them to sleep, let a newborn sleep with you and nurse all night, breastfeed until they're 3--and they'll grow up to be strong, secure individuals. At the expense of sounding like a grandfather, I would have to say "kids these days" are being raised to be self-centered spoiled brats who demand the attention of their "nurturing" parents who are all frantically tearing through the house hopelessly trying to find the phone number to call Joe Frost, the Supernanny. These parents wonder why their kids are out of control terrors who don't listen, aren't mannered and demand every iota of their strength and attention. As the song goes, "let's start at the very beginning..."

You bring your precious bundle of joy home--the happiest day of your life. A beautiful, healthy child. Little do you know, the decisions you choose to make right now could possibly affect how your child will behave 5, 10 or 15 years from now. I'm crazy, you say?? If you decide to adopt the trendy, "attachment parenting" philosophy and attend to every single squeak that comes out of your precious little one's mouth--feed her around the clock, sleep with her and God forbid, don't let her CRY...let her get sooooo attached to you that.....when Baby #2 comes that child's life will be thrown so out of whack, your precious little angel will turn into Supernanny material. When Baby #2 comes, you cannot physically attend to the every need of your first child. That child must all of a sudden learn to be independent. And is it really fair to ask a toddler to learn independence when all you've doing for the past few years is train her that you are her one and only means of security? No wonder the poor kid goes nuts when the new baby comes home--you've taught her that you will respond to her every need. You simply can't do that with other kids in the house. Not to mention, if you want to keep yourself from paying exorbitant amounts to your local shrink.

Okay, so what is the alternative? Let them cry themselves to independence? Teach a 3-day-old baby it's your way or the highway? Never hold or cuddle your baby? Feed them only when the clock says it's time? Of course not. Anyone who has read Babywise, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer or have put their baby on a routine knows the key is structure, but with flexibility...and of course compassion! Moms who put their babies on a routine and do not demand-feed, do not love their babies any less or cuddle them any less! Moms who do not demand-feed bond with their babies just as much as demand-fed babies.

It is a proven fact that young children and babies respond to structure. Without structure, kids can get anxious and unruly if they don't know what is going to happen next. I understand this not only as a mom of a 3 year old, but as an elementary school teacher! Kids need structure. They respond to structure. And it's never too early to start. There are many benefits to putting your baby on a flexible routine. A flexible routine:

1) is the first step in establishing healthy sleep patterns. It also ensures your baby gets the sleep he needs--healthy sleep habits, happy child.

2) forces you to learn how to "read" your baby's cues--every cry is not a hunger cry! Once you establish a routine, you become much more cognizant of what your baby is trying to tell you--instead of always assuming they are hungry or need to be cuddled.

3) allows babies to organize their days and nights and promotes nighttime sleep. AKA: sleeping through the night!

4) ensures parents can get the rest THEY need. Show me a parent who is waking up 2, 3, 4 times a night with their 12 month old baby and I'll show you a parent who is fatigued, frustrated and simply does not have the mental stamina to perform well either at home or at work.

5) is a Godsend when Baby #2, 3, 4, etc. come around! Personally, I love knowing that around 1:00pm Baby Will is down for his afternoon nap and Brooke and I have time to bake cookies or read stories. Brooke also appreciates knowing that Will eats about every 3 hours and that is MY special time with her baby brother. She also knows that when Will is down for his nap, that is HER special time with Mom.

6) Last but not least, a flexible routine promotes CONFIDENCE in parents. And a confident parent, is a happy parent.