Judgement Day

Let me preface this by saying, I never watch Oprah or any other daytime talk show. They're either too depressing or too cheesy. I seriously don't need to know the latest way to lose weight or about how my brother slept with my ex-sister in-law's fiance. However, my mom called me the other day and told me to turn on Oprah. She said it was a bunch of moms talking about "mom issues" and she thought I might be interested. Ok, fine...too bad I didn't have anything better to do right then.

I turned it on and Oprah was hosting a "Truth About Motherhood" show. She introduced the show saying, "Today we're creating a judgment-free zone, a sisterhood of motherhood where anything goes." What a crock. Judgement day has arrived. The moment you announce your pregnancy, you have officially thrown yourself to the wolves. You WILL be judged. By friends, friends of friends, co-workers, in laws, parents, cats, dogs, zebras, you name it. The sooner you realize that and are able to get over it, the better of a mom, wife, friend and coworker you will be. The bright side is, motherhood also gives you the license to sit at the judges table as well. Which I will do right now to all of these morons on the Oprah show.

As I watched this show, I found it absolutely painful. Basically it was a mom bitch session. Can we all just agree on one thing before I start? YES-I KNOW. Being a mom is a tough job. It's THE toughest job. Like the woman said in my post "Moms: What do you do all day?" said, it's the constant scrutiny while concurrently teaching everything from manners to language to empathy to how to pee in the toilet. It's a tough job physically and emotionally. But doesn't everyone know that? Didn't you kind of have an inkling that it would be tough BEFORE you decided to get pregnant? Of course nothing can truly prepare you for the job. After all, there's no job description posted. But why do some women feel the need to constantly, constantly bitch about their kids? Here is what the women were saying on Oprah during her "open forum-don't-judge-me" segment. Let me preface this by saying these women were ALL upper-middle class suburban women (or seemingly so). Oprah didn't send her camera to the back roads of West Virginia.

Mom 1: I once made my kid's entire lunch from scraps I found in my car.
Judge: It's called a hot lunch, you idiot. It's $1.50. I bet you could have found that amount of money in change your car.

Mom 2: I hate bodily fluids. I could do away with the liquids. The snot and the poo. I'm not fond of those things.
Judge: Well, I happen to LOVE poo and snot! LOVE THEM!!! Are you serious?? This is supposed to be news to us...you don't like poo and snot??? Those things come out of your body, too. You didn't realize they would come out of your baby as well? Get OVER yourself!

Mom 3: If I can get out of bed and get breakfast on the table, I'll be happy. If I can get them to school, I'll be happy.
Judge: You need to 1) Raise your standards of happiness--ASAP 2) Get up earlier 3) Pop your Prozac

Mom 4: I don't feel I had permission to talk about how hard motherhood really was.
Judge: You DO have permission to talk about it, you just don't have the permission to constantly WHINE about trivial things...i don't like poop, I'm tired, my kids drive me nuts. GET OVER IT. We all feel this way at some time or another. That is what motherhood IS. And guess what? You are stuck with it. So you can either suck it up and truly start ENJOYING your kids (that IS the reason you had kids, isn't it?) or continue to whine and be miserable for the next 18 years at the same time, driving away your husband and making everyone else in your life miserable as well.

What puts this all into perspective for me is those two weeks Will spent in the NICU. I met an extremely nice couple whose daughter was born at 25 weeks. 25 weeks. Most women haven't even had their baby shower at this point. I talked to her quite a bit since she was always there. She asked about Will and when he was going to go home. I told her "in a few days." I asked her about her baby and when she was coming home. She said "hopefully July." That was in March. Never once did that woman complain about changing her daughter's diapers through all of the wires, feeding tubes and machines she had to navigate through. She never complained she was too busy or too tired to spend practically all day in the NICU with her baby. Instead, I am positive she thanked God every time she walked into the room and found her daughter still breathing. SHE has a license to complain and be frustrated and tired and emotionally spent. When people like that feel this way, it's genuine. When we do--assuming our kids are healthy and doing well--it's whining.

Sure, we all have our mommy moments and urge to complain. But if you find yourself complaining about your kids more than you are enjoying them, there is something that needs to be fixed. Maybe it's getting control of your child's behavior, maybe it's tweaking your lifestyle to make it less stressful, or maybe it's just stopping for a moment and being thankful for everything you have.